Still kickin’.

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Yeah yeah. I started a thing and then I stopped doing the thing like many things that have come before. Don’t look at me as if you didn’t expect this. Remember those two ‘novels’ I started writing? The 23 songs that I wrote the first half of? Those not-even-close-to-finished paintings that are gathering dust in a family member’s garage somewhere? How about that bookshelf that’s currently a bit too horizontal to quite shelve any books just yet? Oh, and my personal favourite – that Masters degree in architecture that I did I did for a larf. A beautiful, expensive larf. I think this is what those in my world would refer to as; ‘a failure to commit.’ And yes, by ‘my world’ I do mean the world of…just, people; in general. Yesterday I found myself actually calculating just how many different careers I can fit in by the time I’m 50. So minus the next year and a bit of teaching English, and figuring about 2.5 years for each – 6 months of courting it, 1 year of loving it, 6 months of falling out of love with it, 6 months of loathing it with every fibre of my being (MATH) – I’m looking at approximately 9.2 different careers. I’m putting the 0.2 down to the two and a half months where I try to put a band together, but it quickly spirals out of control as I become power hungry and alienate my band members as I trample on their talent with my ‘vision’. So DON’T you tell me I don’t have life goals.

Okay, I began this post with the intention of updating you on life sans the aide of alcohol or Youtube. But my angle is still to accomplish this with minimal effort. This month so far has officially been the weirdest point of my time on Korea, and I could write about it, but no, and nah, but also; NOPE. Are my reasons. So apologies if you follow me on Twitter, or if we’re Facebook friends, because none of this will be new to you. This is simply a copy and paste of teaching anecdotes from said social medias. I said I’d update my blog. I didn’t say I’d make all your dreams come true. That doesn’t sound like me at all.

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‘You look good in those jeans teacher.’
Thank you. Tiny child.

Me: ‘What is your country’s symbolic animal?’
Student: ‘Emoji, teacher.’

*I enter the classroom to find 5 boys lying on top of each other*
‘What are you weirdos doing?’
‘WE ARE HAMBURGER TEACHER. BOY HAMBURGER!!’

Me: ‘Everyone take out your homework.’
Students: ‘No teacher. Do the chicken. Do the chicken first.’
OR: ‘No teacher. Do the tongue. Do the tongue first.’
(Apparently I do a good chicken impression and tongue…thing)

Cardigan over sleeveless shirt. Cardy slips, revealing sliver of shoulder.
A teenager screams.
‘No teacher! Body is boom! Boys is wolf!’

‘ENCORE! ENCORE! ENCOOOORE!!!!!’ *flips a chair*
What’s more Rock and roll than ABC’s with grade 3’s. You tell me.

Weird class prank: students only respond in Japanese.
Weird result: I actually understand them better than usual.

Student walks up to my desk, takes the teabag outta my tea and squeezes it into her mouth. I guess you could say we homies.

Told my students l that I was a big shot show runner and to pitch me tv show pilots, so i guess u could say im a big fan of my work.
P.S. Keep those eyes peeled for a certain ‘ero-drama’ – a dramatic sexy sitcom involving a love triangle between 2 dogs and one dog’s owner.

So my co-teacher is giving the kids a RIGHT telling off. Their foreheads are on their desks as instructed.
Then one kid stands up and starts singing; ‘Let it goooo! Let it goooo!’
A kid from another class pops his head in at that moment and says; ‘Elsa??’

I’m 1000% done.

Nothing says graduation day quite like reenacting the entire plot of Mamma Mia with glitter canons.

Student: ‘Long time no see, Olivia.’ Me: ‘But I saw you yesterday?’ Student: ‘Yesterday was a long time teacher.’

‘You drink Obama teacher?’ – 6 year old inquiring about my coffee. Black americano. Uh.

‘Everyone looks delicious!’
Remember kids, spelling mistakes inevitably lead to a life of cannibalism. #PSA

‘Hello teacher, I am Soo mi, and we will be best friends now.’

‘I like board car’ Board car? No student, I think you mean ‘I like vodka.’
Oh. Wait.
(Yes, my student wrote this, and yes, he meant this.)

feeling pretty good about the 16 kids i beat at arm wrestling today. lol kids r so weak.

Just experienced my CT slamming her foot down on the accelerator, flying over speed bumps and yelling; ‘ROLLER COASTER!!’ Students loved it.

So we’re learning directions in class at the moment, and a student just came up to me and said; ‘go straight olivia’ and i’m all; ‘i could never fully commit to that’ and then i ran away.

Had to finish class early because the nurse came in and gave my students sticks to pee on.

Am now super stoked about my class full of 6yr olds w/ pee hands.

‘You’re my favourite teacher & you are beautiful & funny and you have small hair’ Kids – they build you up just to diss your thin hair.

Okay, sweet jesus I could go on forever, but there are other ways I need to spend my time, and all of those ways involve various types of staring blankly at the internet. But you get it. Yes. Good. Teaching English abroad is…never dull

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